Dreams

To startle me from sleep was your favorite trick.
You would stalk me as I dreamed.
What hurt me most was that I did not dream of you.
I was always afraid I would cry out his name,
Sending you away from me in needless pain.
My other lovers were only faceless phantoms
Wandering in my night.
You would not have understood
And I could not explain,
For to  speak of them would vanquish them.
Through no fault of yours,
I loved you chastely, purely, as you wished,
But I am what I am....
A shameless harlot in my fantasies,
Seeking pleasure in other arms,
Finding climactic excitement,
Bathed in the scent of faceless, eager men
Who take me in loveless urges,
Leaving me breathless and exhausted.

1992

The very idea

The very idea that I should live my life
And never know the full, wide reach of love,
Frightens me more than any demon you can name.
To make that journey into the abyss of what awaits us,
Knowing that I was never truly cherished ........
That no one ever called out my name in joy or sorrow...
That no one...no one...wanted me enough to claim me..
Crushes my soul into obscurity.
I leave no legacy....neither chick nor child...
Neither fortune nor fame...to mark my journey..
I leave no indelible trace on Time's sands.
But you are branded on my heart, my soul.
You are the only thing about me that is eternal.